


The dew will temper your fall

by milkywaywide



Category: Seirei no Moribito | Guardian of the Sacred Spirit
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 20:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17567711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkywaywide/pseuds/milkywaywide
Summary: And they are constantly threading their way around this newfound tension, so much so it feels as though that’s all they ever do.





	The dew will temper your fall

Balsa is sixteen when she notices that Tanda’s voice has changed. She notices it because he leans into her ear and whispers something about Master Torogai’s wine, something she’s unable to pay attention to, for the hairs on her neck rise along with a flush and a warmth on the pit her belly.

She’d noticed when he got his growth spurt at age twelve, of course, especially since he’d outgrown her, but this, _this_ , is new and it makes her feel odd and annoyed since she’s never felt odd around Tanda.

* * *

Tanda only really notices that she's become a woman because on a given day Master Torogai makes a crass comment when Balsa’s sparring with Jiguro and while he brushes it off as something she’d say because she’s Master Torogai, when Balsa comes to talk to him after the match he finds himself feeling ridiculously warm in the chest and stumbling on his words, unable to unsee her newfound womanliness.

It’s all very unfortunate as he’s on that age of awkward erections.

* * *

Time goes by, as it always does, and something changes in their relationship; there is this new added layer to it, this tension they can never quite work out.

And they are constantly threading their way around it, so much so it feels as though that’s all they ever do.

Sometimes Tanda’s hand will linger on her skin when he’s giving her stitches for a moment too long and she complains about his inappropriateness; sometimes Balsa will randomly have him up against a tree, pushing her spear across his chest under the guise of trying to teach him how to defend himself.

But he never does learn to defend himself and she always comes back to him to be stitched back up.

* * *

“They say women tend to fall for men that are like their fathers,” Tanda one day says, drunkenly, meaning _healer_ , which is a distasteful and insensitive comment and starts a fight as this sort of comment always does.

Well, it’s not much of a fight, really, since she just takes her spear and disappears for two whole days with nothing but the clothes on her back and comes back dragging a gutted deer which she leaves at his doorstep, still visibly angry but brushing off his apologies, meaning she’s forgiven him.

Tanda accepts this, because it’s better than nothing, even if he knows that talking things out is always better than not. Because they’ve done this enough times and he’s learned to brush off the guilt of Not Properly Resolving Things by telling himself that he’s enough of a selfless man, that he’s entitled to being selfish when it comes to Balsa, when it comes to being able to enjoy her company now, rather than trying to have a heart to heart that would drive her away and then who knows when he’d see her again.

She’s never been good with her words, anyway.

Balsa feels inadequate, jealous, almost, when Tanda opens his mouth and is able to have easy, pleasant conversation with everyone around him. She is not capable of such feat in the slightest, because she is far too practical for it, or so she tells herself.

He makes eyes at her sometimes, eyes as if he wants to talk to her about something but can’t bring himself to do so, and when she’s not playing dumb and ignoring it, she wonders what could it be that he’s so afraid to tell her, because he weaves his words as carefully as he weaves his magic and she’s sure she’d let herself be trapped by whatever it is he has to say.

Or maybe she’s playing dumb when she pretends _not_ to know what it is. Tanda’s always been too open with his affections and too forward with his words; she fears it because she’s neither of those things and Balsa would rather have him think that whatever it is that he feels for her is unrequited than give him that little sparkle of hope.

Guilt still tugs at her chest, even after all these years, but she could never be the partner he deserves and she could never give him the children he wants so dearly, for she treasures her freedom more than anything.

Balsa’s long made her choice.

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, I meant for this to have a happier ending but I’m in a bit of a hurry to put this out (new year’s resolutions and all, mine was to post at least one “thing” per month and it’s January’s last weekend already!) and also I have no idea how I’d write that. e.e Title’s from a Los Campesinos song (I mean, it’s either that or the National). Anyway, thanks for reading! <3


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